In my years of ministry experience, I have dealt with either suicidal threats, suicidal attempts, or suicidal death at least once each year over the past 25 years.  This year (2017) it was twice and both were young teenagers.  One was a boy and one was a girl.  One resulted in a preventative visit to the ER and the other resulted in a funeral.  I have preached funerals of those who have committed suicide and have walked families through the steps necessary to get help.  One of the hardest parts of ministry is often convincing parent(s) or legal guardian(s) that help is needed.  Families often respond, “She’s done this before,” “He’s just wanting attention,” or “All teenagers make suicidal threats.”  First, not all teenagers threaten suicide.  Some research indicates that only 16% of teenagers threaten suicide, and half of them follow through on their threat.  I am not okay with a 50/50 chance they may or may not follow through on a threat.  That is why we can never dismiss any threat of suicide as insignificant.  We cannot fall into the trap of believing this is “normal teenage behavior,” because it’s not!  Here are some questions, thoughts, and helps…
 
What if I am having suicidal thoughts?  Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.  You can even chat with someone online at http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx
 
What if I know of someone who has threatened suicide?  In some cases and in some states you may be legally obligated to inform authorities of the threat.  For example, as a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors, I have agreed to adhere to a “Code of Ethics” that would prompt me to take protective action when threats of suicide are known.  In ALL CASES you and I both have moral obligation to inform authorities of the threat.  Here’s what to do and what to expect…

1. Take them to a local hospital Emergency Room.  Going to your family physician may actually delay the help they need.  Your ER will be equipped to handle the situation appropriately. 
2. Don't delay in going to the ER.  Waiting until "the next day" because it is "more convenient" is no excuse.  This could literally be a life or death choice.  Don't take the risk in postponing the visit to the ER.  I have yet to hear a valid reason to delay.
3. If they are not willing to go to the hospital of their own volition, then call 911 or your local dispatch and inform them that you are aware of a suicidal threat.  The police are not there to “arrest” anyone for making a suicidal threat.  Instead, they will be there to help deescalate an already tense situation.  They will only arrest someone if they become hostile or physical.  It has been my experience that local police are great at communicating with the person threatening suicide, they can deescalate the situation, and they can explain the importance of going to the ER.
4. Once at the ER, they will determine the appropriate follow-up steps.  Follow their instructions precisely.

 
What NOT to do if you know someone has threatened suicide…

1. Don’t assume that it is an idle threat.  Statistically it is a 50/50 shot.  Get help.
2. Don’t assume that all teenagers threaten suicide.  They don’t.  Get help.
3. Don't assume that you will have a tomorrow.  Get help immediately.
4. Don’t assume that your school, church, hospital, or local authorities won’t offer any REAL help.  That’s not your decision to make.  Get help.
5. Don’t belittle or speak ill of those who can offer help (especially in front of the victim).  Saying things like, “That school won’t do anything anyway” only increases the feelings of hopelessness and despair.  It communicates that you don’t know how to help and others aren’t willing to help. 
6. Don’t argue with those in authority.  They are there to help you.
7. Don’t make the situation about you or your parenting.  This is about the victim.  The only indictment on your parenting would be if you did nothing.  Set aside your pride for the sake of your child’s life.

 
Here are some additional thoughts and resources about suicide...

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

 

• www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

 

• Developing a biblical understanding of suicide.

 
Do the right thing.

Suicide is a difficult subject.  When I hear of a suicide in our community, I know that people are going to have questions.  What does the Bible say about suicide?  Isn’t suicide a sin?  Don’t people who commit suicide go to hell?  Is suicide the “unpardonable sin”?  The most important thing to do is to think biblical about such difficult topics.  We must approach our understanding of suicide through the teaching of the Bible and not based on what “we’ve been taught” or “always heard.”  The Bible must be our authority.
Let’s begin by looking for examples found in Scripture.  Have you ever thought, “What good is my life?”  Rebekah felt that way.  “And Rebekah said to Isaac, ‘I am weary of my life because of the daughters of Heth; if Jacob takes a wife of the daughters of Heth; like these who are the daughters of the land, what good will my life be to me?'” (Gen. 27:46).  She began to question the value of her own life.  Jonah, Elijah, and Job all expressed suicidal thoughts and feelings.

King Saul was in battle against the Philistines and his sons were killed.  The Philistines pressed hard against Saul.  “Then Saul said to his armorbearer, ‘Draw your sword, and thrust me through with it, lest these uncircumcised men come and thrust me through and abuse me.’  But his armorbearer would not, for he was greatly afraid.  Therefore Saul took a sword and fell on it.  And when his armorbearer saw that Saul was dead, he also fell on his sword, and died with him” (1 Sam. 31:4-5).

Samson took his own life, while also seeking to take the lives of the Philistines with him.  “Then Samson called to the LORD, saying, ‘O Lord God, remember me, I pray!  Strengthen me, I pray, just this once, O God, that I may with one blow take vengeance on the Philistines for my two eyes!’  And Samson took hold of the two middle pillars which supported the temple, and he braced himself against them, one on his right and the other on his left.  Then Samson said, ‘Let me die with the Philistines!’  And he pushed with all his might, and the temple fell on the lords and all the people who were in it.  So the dead that he killed at his death were more than he had killed in his life” (Judges 16:28-30).

Perhaps one of the most familiar is that of Judas who betrayed Jesus.  “Then Judas, His betrayer, seeing that He had been condemned, was remorseful and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, saying, ‘I have sinned by betraying innocent blood.’  And they said, ‘What is that to us? You see to it!’  Then he threw down the pieces of silver in the temple and departed, and went and hanged himself” (Matthew 27:3-5).

These examples of thoughts and suicides provide us with the backdrop for developing a biblical worldview of suicide.  Historically, Christians have concluded that Samson’s suicide was a justified act of war.  Similarly, Saul was at war and sought to avoid shame and abuse at the hands of the Philistines.  There is no doubt that Christians have historically objected to suicide.  Suicide was and is sinful.  Some have asserted that because there is no opportunity to repent, it is a mortal sin.  In other words, suicide becomes the “unpardonable sin” because you cannot repent after having committed the sin (more on this in a moment).

Many Christians throughout history have been opposed to the sin of suicide, but reject the notion that it is the unpardonable sin.  Scripture makes it clear that the unpardonable sin is “blasphemy of the Holy Spirit.”  “Therefore I say to you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven men” (Matthew 12:31).  To be clear, blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is to reject the conviction of the Holy Spirit unto salvation.  When the Holy Spirit convicts someone of their sin and they refuse to repent and accept Christ as their Lord, they have blasphemed the Holy Spirit.
The idea that suicide cannot be forgiven because the individual did not have an opportunity to seek forgiveness after committing the sinful behavior is a distorted view of the Gospel.  Let me be clear, suicide is morally wrong and ought never to be considered by the Christian.  Thomas Aquinas asserts that suicide is sinful because (1) it is contrary to natural law and to love, (2) it causes injury to the common good, and (3) it is a sin against God.  It is God’s role to determine death and life (cf. Deut. 32:39).

The Gospel is clear.  When a person accepts Christ as their Lord and Savior, they are forgiven for every sin they have ever committed in past as well as the future.  That’s the amazing gift of grace.  I’ve often said that from the perspective of the cross (over 2000 years ago), all of my sin were future tense (even those I committed yesterday).  The forgiveness of our sin is settled at the moment of our salvation.

Everyone needs salvation.  “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23).  Jesus died for our salvation.  “But God demonstrates His love toward us, in that, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).  Our salvation is a gift, not something we earn through good works.  If there is nothing we can do to earn our salvation, there is nothing we can do to lose it.  It is a gift.  “The wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord” (Romans 6:23).  We are saved by grace.  “And if by grace, then it is no longer of works; otherwise grace is no longer grace.  But if it is of works, it is no longer grace; otherwise work is no longer work” (Romans 11:6).  Our salvation comes through faith.  “To him who does not work but believes on Him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is accounted for righteousness” (Romans 4:5).  So, God saves all who call upon Him regardless of their sin.  “For whoever calls on the name of the LORD shall be saved” (Romans 10;13).

So, the Bible is clear… “That if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.  For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation” (Romans 10:9-10).

Rest assured, if your loved one accepted Christ as their Savior, they are in heaven.  If suicide supersedes God’s grace, then God’s grace is insufficient and our salvation is maintained by our own behavior.  However, the Holy Spirit has sealed our salvation (cf. 2 Cor. 1:21-22; Eph. 1:13-14, 4:30; 1 Pet. 1:5).

What about Judas Iscariot?  Judas was never saved.  Therefore, he never lost his salvation.  You cannot lose something you never had to begin with.  Scripture makes this fact clear, “But there are some of you who do not believe.’ For Jesus knew from the beginning who they were who did not believe, and who would betray Him.  And He said, ‘Therefore I have said to you that no one can come to Me unless it has been granted to him by My Father'” (John 6:64-65).  Those who are truly saved cannot lose their salvation.  We can conclude from Jesus’ words that Judas was never saved and that Judas’ act of suicide was not the determining factor of his lack of salvation.

Suicide is a problem.  It should never be viewed as “the only way out.”  Some Christians may be reluctant to share that suicide is not the unpardonable sin in fear that a Christian contemplating suicide may say, “Well if I’m going to heaven anyway…”

I believe truth always prevails.

“I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live” (Deuteronomy 30:19).

Need help?  Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1 (800) 273-8255 (24 hours, 7 days a week).
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Ministry can be stressful.  Because we (pastors) don't post blogs about our counseling sessions people don't see the stresses of daily ministry.  We typically don't post a Facebook status update that reads, "Just counseled another teenager who was contemplating suicide and tonight she reached out to her small group leader."  Instead, we post things like "God is doing great things in small groups!"  Which is interpreted: "They're having a fun time!"  The negative comments, the pressure, and the crisis counseling situations don't get publicized.  The average church member never sees the stresses their pastors face. 

In my nearly twenty-five years of ministry, I have ministered to those who are struggling with thoughts of suicide, drug and alcohol abuse, eating disorders, depression, sexual abuse, physical abuse, pregnancy, and the list goes on.  When any of these situations arise in our small groups, we have asked our Small Group Leaders to contact one of the pastors immediately.  We remind Small Group Leaders that their job is not to serve as a professional counselor, nor should they refer others to counselors.  Instead, their primary responsibility in handling a crisis situation is to assess the severity of the crisis related to the individual’s safety and level of functioning and then communicate that assessment to one of the pastors immediately.

Once a pastor has been notified a specific plan of action is developed in terms of communication (i.e. parents, authorities, etc.) and in terms of counseling and a support group.  For example, someone who has shared with his Small Group Leader that he has frequent thoughts of suicide should prompt the SG Leader to contact a pastor immediately after small groups.  Together the SG Leader and Pastor assess the situation using the SLAP Suicide Assessment Method developed by Dr. Kenneth Morris.  How SPECIFIC is the plan?  The more specific the details, the higher the degree of risk.  How LETHAL is the proposed method?  How quickly could the person die if the plan is implemented?  The greater the level of lethality, the higher the degree of risk.  How AVAILABLE is the proposed method?  If the method to be used is readily available, the risk is greater.  What is the PROXIMITY of helping resources?  The greater the distance the person is from helping resources, the greater the degree of risk if the plan were implemented.  While this method does not make us experts in assessing the risk of suicide, it helps in communicating the severity of the need for help when speaking with parents.  We never delay in speaking with parents about the threat of suicide from a minor.  Once we have assessed the threat, we meet with the individual and his/her parents the same day we were made aware of the threat.  Here is what we bring to that meeting…

1.  Contact information for continued professional help.  We have already done our homework and can offer suggestions where to turn for additional help.
2.  “Contract of Agreement Against Suicide.”  We ask the individual to sign a contract where they agree to contact an adult if they have any suicidal thoughts.  I include my personal cell phone number and let them know they have permission to call any of those numbers even if it’s 3:00am in the morning when they are struggling with thoughts of suicide.  They should come up with a list of 3 other trusted adults that they feel comfortable calling.  They should keep the contract with him/her in their wallet or purse.
3.  If the person having suicidal thoughts was a minor, we also bring a “Parental Contract of Agreement Against Suicide.”  We ask the parents to sign a contract where they agree to support and seek help for their teen.  They will also take the precautions necessary to remove any possible methods of suicide from the home (i.e. lock all guns, secure medications, etc.).  This contract is for the parent to keep.

What plans do you have in place for dealing with threats of suicide, abuse, teen pregnancy, etc.?

Here are samples of the contracts we use.  For more information on contracts click here.

CONTRACT OF AGREEMENT AGAINST SUICIDE
AGREEMENT: To seek help in times of suicidal thoughts, plans, or attempts.
I, ____________________________________________ believe the Bible is the True Word of God.  I believe what is not of God is sin.  I believe the Bible holds the keys of life and a life more abundantly.  I fully understand that suicide OF ANY FORM, is sin in the eyes of God.  By signing this contract of agreement, I am making a conscious decision to seek help if I have, if I am presently, or if / when I experience thoughts of suicide, plans of suicide, and / or attempts of suicide.  Upon signing, I have agreed to seek help from the following: parents, pastors, counselors, or significant others adult, (give a name of significant other adult ___________________________).  I will not allow fear, anger, rejection or shame keep me from seeking and receiving the help, love and encouragement I need.
This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses.  Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to His voice, and hold fast to Him.  For the Lord is your life, and He will give you many years in the land He swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
— Deuteronomy 30:19-20
________________________________________________________________________
Signature of Individual                                                          Date
________________________________________________________________________
Signature of Witness                                                               Date
Phone numbers of people I can call when I need help…
911
1-800-SUICIDE
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________

PARENTAL CONTRACT OF AGREEMENT AGAINST SUICIDE
AGREEMENT:   To begin to listen, support and if needed seek help for my child if signs of suicidal tendencies begin to show.
I, ____________________________________________ realize suicide is an extremely serious area of temptation which Satan can use against ___________________________.  I fully understand the importance of learning to listen and relate to ___________________________, and begin to allow him/her to share their feelings with me.
Upon signing this contract of agreement, I am making a conscious decision to listen, support and seek help for ____________________________, if he/she begins to show signs of suicidal tendencies.  I will also make a verbal agreement between ____________________________ and myself to be open and honest with each other and to be willing to work through any type of problem in order to find a solution.
I agree to take the precautions necessary in my home to remove any possible methods of suicide that my child may obtain.  (i.e. lock all guns, secure medications, etc.)
This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses.  Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to His voice, and hold fast to Him.  For the Lord is your life, and He will give you many years in the land He swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
— Deuteronomy 30:19-20
________________________________________________________________________
Signature of Parent / Guardian                                               Date
________________________________________________________________________
Signature of Teen / Young Adult                                               Date
________________________________________________________________________
Signature of Witness                                                             Date