Small Groups 2 of 3: Dealing with Crisis Situations

Ministry can be stressful.  Because we (pastors) don't post blogs about our counseling sessions people don't see the stresses of daily ministry.  We typically don't post a Facebook status update that reads, "Just counseled another teenager who was contemplating suicide and tonight she reached out to her small group leader."  Instead, we post things like "God is doing great things in small groups!"  Which is interpreted: "They're having a fun time!"  The negative comments, the pressure, and the crisis counseling situations don't get publicized.  The average church member never sees the stresses their pastors face. 

In my nearly twenty-five years of ministry, I have ministered to those who are struggling with thoughts of suicide, drug and alcohol abuse, eating disorders, depression, sexual abuse, physical abuse, pregnancy, and the list goes on.  When any of these situations arise in our small groups, we have asked our Small Group Leaders to contact one of the pastors immediately.  We remind Small Group Leaders that their job is not to serve as a professional counselor, nor should they refer others to counselors.  Instead, their primary responsibility in handling a crisis situation is to assess the severity of the crisis related to the individual’s safety and level of functioning and then communicate that assessment to one of the pastors immediately.

Once a pastor has been notified a specific plan of action is developed in terms of communication (i.e. parents, authorities, etc.) and in terms of counseling and a support group.  For example, someone who has shared with his Small Group Leader that he has frequent thoughts of suicide should prompt the SG Leader to contact a pastor immediately after small groups.  Together the SG Leader and Pastor assess the situation using the SLAP Suicide Assessment Method developed by Dr. Kenneth Morris.  How SPECIFIC is the plan?  The more specific the details, the higher the degree of risk.  How LETHAL is the proposed method?  How quickly could the person die if the plan is implemented?  The greater the level of lethality, the higher the degree of risk.  How AVAILABLE is the proposed method?  If the method to be used is readily available, the risk is greater.  What is the PROXIMITY of helping resources?  The greater the distance the person is from helping resources, the greater the degree of risk if the plan were implemented.  While this method does not make us experts in assessing the risk of suicide, it helps in communicating the severity of the need for help when speaking with parents.  We never delay in speaking with parents about the threat of suicide from a minor.  Once we have assessed the threat, we meet with the individual and his/her parents the same day we were made aware of the threat.  Here is what we bring to that meeting…

1.  Contact information for continued professional help.  We have already done our homework and can offer suggestions where to turn for additional help.
2.  “Contract of Agreement Against Suicide.”  We ask the individual to sign a contract where they agree to contact an adult if they have any suicidal thoughts.  I include my personal cell phone number and let them know they have permission to call any of those numbers even if it’s 3:00am in the morning when they are struggling with thoughts of suicide.  They should come up with a list of 3 other trusted adults that they feel comfortable calling.  They should keep the contract with him/her in their wallet or purse.
3.  If the person having suicidal thoughts was a minor, we also bring a “Parental Contract of Agreement Against Suicide.”  We ask the parents to sign a contract where they agree to support and seek help for their teen.  They will also take the precautions necessary to remove any possible methods of suicide from the home (i.e. lock all guns, secure medications, etc.).  This contract is for the parent to keep.

What plans do you have in place for dealing with threats of suicide, abuse, teen pregnancy, etc.?

Here are samples of the contracts we use.  For more information on contracts click here.

CONTRACT OF AGREEMENT AGAINST SUICIDE
AGREEMENT: To seek help in times of suicidal thoughts, plans, or attempts.
I, ____________________________________________ believe the Bible is the True Word of God.  I believe what is not of God is sin.  I believe the Bible holds the keys of life and a life more abundantly.  I fully understand that suicide OF ANY FORM, is sin in the eyes of God.  By signing this contract of agreement, I am making a conscious decision to seek help if I have, if I am presently, or if / when I experience thoughts of suicide, plans of suicide, and / or attempts of suicide.  Upon signing, I have agreed to seek help from the following: parents, pastors, counselors, or significant others adult, (give a name of significant other adult ___________________________).  I will not allow fear, anger, rejection or shame keep me from seeking and receiving the help, love and encouragement I need.
This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses.  Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to His voice, and hold fast to Him.  For the Lord is your life, and He will give you many years in the land He swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
— Deuteronomy 30:19-20
________________________________________________________________________
Signature of Individual                                                          Date
________________________________________________________________________
Signature of Witness                                                               Date
Phone numbers of people I can call when I need help…
911
1-800-SUICIDE
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________

PARENTAL CONTRACT OF AGREEMENT AGAINST SUICIDE
AGREEMENT:   To begin to listen, support and if needed seek help for my child if signs of suicidal tendencies begin to show.
I, ____________________________________________ realize suicide is an extremely serious area of temptation which Satan can use against ___________________________.  I fully understand the importance of learning to listen and relate to ___________________________, and begin to allow him/her to share their feelings with me.
Upon signing this contract of agreement, I am making a conscious decision to listen, support and seek help for ____________________________, if he/she begins to show signs of suicidal tendencies.  I will also make a verbal agreement between ____________________________ and myself to be open and honest with each other and to be willing to work through any type of problem in order to find a solution.
I agree to take the precautions necessary in my home to remove any possible methods of suicide that my child may obtain.  (i.e. lock all guns, secure medications, etc.)
This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses.  Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to His voice, and hold fast to Him.  For the Lord is your life, and He will give you many years in the land He swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
— Deuteronomy 30:19-20
________________________________________________________________________
Signature of Parent / Guardian                                               Date
________________________________________________________________________
Signature of Teen / Young Adult                                               Date
________________________________________________________________________
Signature of Witness                                                             Date