The Role of Parenting (Part 1)

In pastoral counseling over the past few weeks, I have found two things come up in conversation on multiple occasions.  I will address each in a "part 1" and "part 2" blog.

The first is the roles of parenting. Here is a snapshot of my notes:




0-2 Years (Parent Role: Cater)
2-10 Years (Parent Role: Control)
10-14 Years (Parent Role: Coach)
14-18 Years (Parent Role: Consultant)
18+ Years (Parent Role: Care)

It can be difficult for parents to move from one role to the next.

• Catering is making sure that you attend to every need of the infant.  You feed, you clothe, you change diapers, etc.  You are responsible for every need they have.
• Control is making sure that you protect them.  You set up boundaries.  At this age children don't have friends, they have playmates.  You are in control of who those playmates are.
• Coaching is giving unsolicited advice that is helpful in the moment.  The coach looks for the teachable moments to help guide them.
• Consulting is giving advice when asked.  If we did a good job as a coach, then our children will seek out our advice during the consultant years.
• Caring is the ongoing support that our children need as adults.  There may be times the other roles are needed, such as coaching or consulting.  Our primary role is to let them know we still care for them and always will.

The maturity of your child will also be reflected in these roles.  For example, your child may be 14-18, but has not matured enough to seek the advice of a consulting parent.  Therefore, the parent continues as a coach.  However, we (parents) must do all we can to help them mature.  After all, no one wants to change the diaper of a 10-year-old.

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